I really feel like ending the suffering..its too much for me to handle..i'm tired..VERY TIRED!!

I should be feeling happy today..but i'm not..

If only i had better self control..
If only i don't give in to temptations so easily..
If i had put down those memories and moved on..
If i had treasured you and showed you more concern..
There are too many 'ifs' in my mind now..

You were the one whom supported me throughout PRCP..I really wanted to share my joy of graduating with you..but i know its not possible anymore..

There are too many things in my mind now..i really feel like i'm going to explode anytime soon..but it seems that i can't find anyone whom i can talk to..maybe because no one seem to understand the pain i had been through the past 3 months..and i still remember, i wasn't given any chance to explain myself..i was condemned immediately..

However, its not that that hurt me the most..its that all along, you not been truthful with your feelings to me..by saying things that you don't mean it, and making me believe that you are feeling ok..but in actual fact you're not..i just feel that its so unfair to me..shouldn't couples be communicating with each other about how they feel, instead of keeping it to themselves?

I don't know how long more will you be in my mind..i just got myself hurt deeply..too deeply..
Anyway, hope you had a wonderful Birthday with him..Happy Birthday..

I don't know why i kept crying when i woke up today..i'm still wondering, why do i still get affected when i think of you, or see something which i doesn't want to..

I miss you..i really do..

Happy one month annivesary of being single to myself!!
But do you think i'm happy over this?

I HATE MYSELF!! Why do i choose to look back into the past when i know it will bring back those bad memories which i don't want to be reminded of? Why do i still choose to pacify those people who doesn't even care, and got myself hurt again in the end? I'm tired and lost..I really don't know what to do now..

Often when i'm free, i will open my msn chat log and read them (those chats with ahem), reminiscing the past..but instead of finding memories, i got myself hurt more..especially when i'm reading through messages of quarrels..but sometimes i just can't control myself and i went ahead..too many regrets..hurt too many times..but i don't blame anyone..i only have myself to blame for everything that happens..

Guess i might be the biggest fool in this world..even though i know that i will get myself hurt more, and fall deeper, yet i still choose to do things which i don't mean to do, and things i don't mean to say, and pretend that nothing has happened before..haiz..

Tianshun
25 October 1988
Emotional Creature

Good results for PRCP
Joey Lam